Game of Thrones E508 (100% Valyrian, Bitch)

Game of Thrones E508 (100% Valyrian, Bitch)

“I got a Mountain-Zombie just waiting to be released. Try me, bitch.” – Cersei

Game of Thrones finally delivered an episode that didn’t’ make me want to burn my eyes out with holy water – and it’s about fucking time. While this season has been good – it’s certainly not without flaws: like Jamie’s boring ass visit to Dorne and Ser Jorrah seemingly lacking the ability to take a fucking hint (she’s just not that into you, bro). And while the Sand Snakes are definitely easy on the eyes – I was expecting  a bit more from the daughters of the infamous Oberyn Martell.  In “Hardhome” we finally gain more insight into the notorious White Walkers, proving that beyond the sex, lies and bloodshed; there is a world of mystery that we’ve barely scratched the surface of. And a Night’s King just waiting to fuck your shit up. 

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Tyrion and Daenerys

Daenerys has been one of my favorite characters for a while, but it wasn’t until this season that I actually questioned why I like her so much. She was on a consistent trajectory for a majority of the series until the time came for her to rule in Meereen. While it’s good to see her get accustomed to life as a queen, she’s much more interesting when she’s interacting with her dragons or taking over cities and shit. That’s why Tyrion’s introduction into her fold couldn’t have come at a better time. He has the tendency to make anyone he interacts with more interesting simply because of his way with words. This has provided a interesting dynamic between him and Daenerys as the two work towards forging a powerful yet unlikely friendship. While it’s still early in their relationship, I foresee a sibling-like bond forming between these two in the future -giving Tyrion a sister who isn’t repulsed by his very existence, and Daenerys a brother who isn’t a pretentious asshole. They’re both trying to survive in a new world without anyone they can call family, so it will be interesting to see how things play out for the both of them in the long run.

Poor Ser Jorrah got banished from the city (again) but the motherfucker just keeps finding reasons to make an ass of himself. He really should be more concerned about his fatal skin condition and not how to get in the good graces of the woman he betrayed. Have a seat, ser!

Cersei

Cersei has been a character that most of us have all enjoyed loathing for some time now. She’s a combination of all the things a queen shouldn’t be: selfish, cold and rude as fuck. After everything that she has done, it’s without a doubt that she deserves to be in the position she brought upon herself – but I can’t shake the feeling of pity that I have for her character. And while I realize she orchestrated the arrest of Margery and Loras – they were haters anyways and haters can get fucked.

There’s a part of me that is rooting for Cersei now that she has no where left to turn. It’s impressive how she’s manages to hold onto her pride during the circumstances she’s found herself in. Although let’s be honest – that High Sparrow Septon Who Gives A Fuck Asshole needs to be dealt with immediately. I mean what fuck is his problem? I dare anyone who looks like the fucking Crypt Keeper to pass any form of judgement on me. At least take a fucking bath if you’re going to be acting all high and mighty – but I guess the Gods are more concerned about people getting their dicks wet instead of personal hygiene.

Jon Snow

The best part of this episode was saved for the final 20 minutes. We catch up with Jon and Tormund on their mission to recruit the Free Folk in Hardhome to fight on their side when the White Walkers march on The Wall. For the most part, the mission is a complete failure. This is due to the fact that the residents of Hardhome only provided the White Walkers with more cannon fodder.

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The arrival of The White Walkers and their army of wrights (undead created by White Walkers but are much easier to kill) pretty much fucked everything up but did prove that Jon was right. The Lord Commander finds himself face to face with one of the uber White Walkers and discovers that dragonglass isn’t the only material capable of slaying these things. When it seems as if Jon was close to meeting his demise, he learns that his sword, Longclaw, was more than capable of fucking shit up. This means that him and Brienne (owner of Oathkeeper – which was broken down from Ned Stark’s sword, Ice) are a part of a select group of characters who have access to weapons of this caliber.

The battle eventually culminates as the remaining survivors escape via the sea, watching as The Night’s King does his thing with impeccable swag: 

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  • Arya’s plot-line is interesting on paper but has failed to deliver in terms of pay off. The only thing that I found interesting in regards to her arc was the mysterious Hall of Faces found inside the House of Black and White. I’m aware her story is far from over but I’m losing interest quicker than Samwell Tarly can bust a nut. 
  • Sansa is still very much a victim. Hopefully that changes soon.
  • I can’t even with Theon Reek.

With only two episodes left, it’s looking as if this season is heading for a solid finish.

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