True Blood E701 (Bad Blood: Rise of The Fangers)

True Blood E701 (Bad Blood: Rise of The Fangers)

The word “fuck” was used at least 100 times in this episode. Also – the people of Bon Temps are all fucking dumb and clearly have no survival instinct; which made for a pretty entertaining season opener.

I enjoyed that this episode was a return to form in many ways. For the most part, characters were united against a central threat and we haven’t seen this much cooperation in years. There was a much needed sense of terror added to the show which was ironically a breath of fresh air. Say what you want about True Blood but when I watch it – I genuinely have a good time. Which is more than I can say about Game of Thrones. There’s nothing wrong with taking yourself seriously but TV is a form of escapism and should not make me want to commit suicide when a character dies.

“Jesus Gonna Be Here”

There was a clear theme in this episode: protection. 

Everyone is scared shitless after getting nearly obliterated during the attack from the Hep V Vamps Crack Head Vamps and it doesn’t take long for the denizens of Bon Temps quickly adjust to the idea of: “for every human – a vampire; and for every vampire – a human.” 

Although I think the events at Bellefleur’s proved that the normal vamps can’t do a goddamned thing to protect these people. But whatever.

WTF moments:

  • I’m pretty sure Bill was throwing punches. This makes no sense.
  • Arlene, Holly and Nicole were all taken hostage to the last place anyone would look – FANGTASIA (SRSLY?)
  • The Crack Head Vamps are surprisingly organized.
  • I guess I’m supposed to believe that Tara is dead? You’re gonna have to try harder than that True Blood. My main bitch will be back and whooping ass by the finale. She went into full on Buffy Mode on that vampire – proving once again that she’s probably the best technical fighter on the show. But then we’re left with her crazy ass mother and I’m supposed to believe a damn word that comes out of that poisonous snakes’s mouth? You can’t troll a troll.
  • Blood. Everywhere. It was awesome.


After the battle commences, the characters gather to figure out their next move. Bill and Sam follow through with the new status quo which leads to a lot of interesting pairings: Bill/Andy, Willa/Lettie Mae, Jessica/Adilyn and James/Lafayette.

Bill and Andy go on a recon mission to search for possible nest locations. The tension between these two is pretty obvious but they make a good team. Andy has become one of the best characters on the show and as I type this I can’t even believe the words myself. But it’s true. Fatherhood has matured this old fool in ways that really added growth to his character. He actually feels like a leader and a sheriff now.



James and Lafayette are paired together by process of elimination and it’s probably the best pairing so far. Who knew that James also liked dick? This is awesome for Lafayette but not so awesome for Jessica. Her man is wanting some LaLa in his life so maybe Jessica should worry less about Adilyn and more about losing her boyfriend to Lafayette. It’s interesting because the chemistry between Lafayette and James doesn’t feel forced as it does with Jessica. This could be because there’s a new actor filling the role but I think that if it wasn’t for Vamp Camp – Jessica would still be trying to get with Jason. 

Speaking of Jason – he finally fucked Violet. Which is the only thing he did worth mentioning. He can die anytime soon and I probably wouldn’t care. His development has been pretty inconsistent and all over the fucking place and in the final season he’s still just Jason – more or less. Not hardened by the things he’s been through or even slightly matured by them. Kick rocks, sir. You are a waste of precious screen time. 

Lettie Mae is tripping on vampire blood and it’s highly entertaining. She swear’s that she see’s Tara and that she isn’t in Heaven. She’s in a place where she can’t speak. So clearly – she’s at the library. I mean I don’t believe for a second that Tara is even dead, but I have to admit that I’m intrigued at what the fuck is going on with this particular storyline. Something seems off but in good way and I’m hoping there’s some kind of payoff by the end of the season. 

If Tara really is dead then I would have to say I’m in the same boat as Lafayette. The first time she died I mourned her but this time I’m slightly okay with it if she’s really dead. She went out fighting but my only complaint would be that we didn’t see her death happen. Her character and the fans deserve more closure.


Pam is searching for Eric and doing badass shit like playing Vampire-Russian Roulette. The first time we see her is after Tara’s apparent “death” and one could argue that she would have “felt” something when her progeny died –  but we don’t know if she did or didn’t. She seemed pretty upset but I was under the impression she was talking about Eric – not Tara.


Her search for Eric is turning out to be more of a scavenger hunt that needs to end by episode two.

The Figure

Jessica is seeking atonement for murdering Andy’s fae-daughter’s and begins by protecting Adilyn all night from the creepiest motherfucker I’ve seen in a while. This guy appeared in the distance, under a shadowy disguise that was illuminated only by the moonlight. This shit was like something out of a 1980’s horror flick and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t fucking terrified. My first impression was that he was jut another Crack Head Vamp but something about him feels sinister in a way that those Vamps don’t. The first thing he says is “What is she!!!?” in a downright menacing voice as he stares at Adilyn from across the distance. I didn’t know Vampires could smell fairies from so far away which makes me think he may be old as fuck. You would assume that after seeing his face, the terror would subside but it only increased. His bug-shot eyes and the blood dripping from his mouth would be enough for me to be like: “See ya later Adilyn! You’re on your own ya dumb bitch!” but instead Jessica stands her ground well into sunrise.

Adilyn proves that doing dumb shit is just part of being a fairy because she does the one thing Andy tells her not to do: invite Jessica in. She’s lucky she’s so damn pretty otherwise I would be talking much more shit. 


Sookie is dealing with the hard truth that everything happening is because of her. In an effort to step up and redeem herself in the eyes of the town, she offers to track and hunt down the Hep V Vamps who are rampaging through Louisiana. It’s pretty big of her and admirable to say the least – but if it was me I would have told every last racist, ignorant piece of shit in Bon Temps to kiss my fairy ass and deal with it.


She has sexy time with Alcide and it actually felt genuine. I’ve been waiting for these two to bang since his introduction in season three – and while I don’t think they will last, their relationship is important to her overall character arc. She had to get away from that vampire dick to truly appreciate it. So let’s hope by the time Eric returns she’s ready to jump his bones again.