Game of Thrones E406 (A Song of Fire and Straight Up Lies)

Game of Thrones E406 (A Song of Fire and Straight Up Lies)

red-ranger-on-the-iron-throne

I’m back, bitches.

There will be so many goddamn spoilers in this article so don’t say I didn’t warn you. Here’s all of the shit that’s happened in the past four episodes:

  • I just can’t with Theon
  • Jon has reunited with Ghost
  • Purple Haze (Joffrey is Dead)
  • Tommen is actually likable. Long may he reign LOL.
  • Long Live the Queen of Meereen
  • Arya is a little annoying now. Girl – The Hound is yo’ friend.
  • Sansa escaped King’s Landing and I’m already bored with her boring face
  • Lysa Arryn is a crazy bitch. Lol seriously though.

Stannis

Stannis is one of my favorite characters. As someone who technically should be King of Westeros, his anger is extremely polarizing and it’s interesting to see him get a few reality checks in the process. This bitterness has made him a ruthless competitor to the throne. He’s got ladies in red casting trippy spells in one corner while he and Davos try to negotiate deals with the Iron Bank to fund his war.

When he’s denied the monetary assistance he set out for, Davos makes one of his epic speeches about how badass Stannis is and I’m all for it. Like Daenerys, he has a strong claim to the throne but his arrogance could be his downfall. If he can get over himself and focus on getting his crew in tact – he could be a fucking boss.

Yara and Theon

“Everything they did to him – they did to us. As long as they can hurt our prince with impunity, the word Ironborn means nothing.”

We finally catch up with Yara Greyjoy since we last saw her in season three. She’s on a mission to rescue Theon from the clutches of Ramsay Snow. Yara has only been in a handful of episodes but manages to steal whatever scene she is in. Moments before her army arrives at the Dreadfort, we’re treated to some softcore porn via Ramsay and his crazy side chick. I’m not sure what the significance of this sex scene was and it seemed pointless other than to offer up some prime jerk off material.

When Yara finally reaches Theon – he gives her a “bitch, I have no clue who you are” response and I’m pretty much over his bullshit. To be honest – I’ve never liked Theon anyways but watching his crippled body is torture in itself. Just kill this fool already. We’d all be much happier and that would mean more screen time for his sister.

Daenerys

Dany’s conquering of Meereen was a huge deal in my opinion and I think she should spend a significant amount of time there while she learns how to rule. Her journey has been the most compelling because we’ve seen her rise to greatness. It was crucial that she find a place to utilize as a base of sorts and ruling Meereen will give her the experience and knowledge she needs to be Queen of Westeros.

burnination

Unfortunately, she has no clue what to do with her damn dragons and because of this – they are running buckwild around the territory. Stealing flock like they have no home training because well, they don’t. I mean – is she seriously just letting them roam around without any supervision? It just seems reckless.

Tyrion

The  funniest character on the show is dealing with all kinds of bullshit this week. The haters were out in full force and it was a real shame. He saved the lives of most of these idiots and now they want his head? Because he supposedly killed Joffrey!? I mean what the fuck? Whoever killed Joffrey (Littlefinger) was a true hero and should be treated as such.

In one of the final moments of the episode, Tyrion unleashes his inner badass by demanding a trial by combat. You could hear the “oh shit!” response ripple through the audience.

trial

Check and mate, BITCH!