American Horror Story: Coven S3.E13 [Finale]

American Horror Story: Coven S3.E13 [Finale]

The season finale of Coven was goofy as hell. We were forced into watching Stevie Nicks two-step her ass around the Coven house while singing a dumb fucking song about the Seven Wonders. It all felt like a nightmare from the 90’s.

The Seven Wonders turned out to be funny and fucked up at the same time. Queenie’s “yup” as a response to displaying her telekinesis was pretty boss. Madison’s over-the-top display of ratchet was fantastic as she made Kyle lick her boots like the little bitch he is. She then proceeded to make him choke the shit out of Zoe which was definitely fucked up but kind of funny.

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When the time came to make the descent into the afterlife, Misty proved that she was indeed a fucking dumbass. Bitch – you’re a legendary swamp witch with the power to rise from the fucking flames of death, yet you aren’t self aware enough to realize when Papa Legba is playing a joke on your dumbass? Misty’s failure to return before sunrise means girl bye because ya body is dust now. I was really sad to see her go but she wasn’t Supreme material. During the test of of transmutation, shit got way too real when Zoe impaled herself on a gate via teleportation. When Queenie was unable to bring Zoe back from the dead (which made no sense seeing how she brought Misty back the day before), the responsibility fell to Madison. She refused to do it of course because she doesn’t give a fuck and that’s why we love her

At some point in the episode Myrtle decides that Cordelia may be the Supreme and all of sudden she becomes super bitch. She participates in the Seven Wonders and rapes every test thrown her way. Seriously though – WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT? YOU SPENT ALL SEASON MAKING US THINK IT WAS ANYONE BUT THIS SIMPLE BITCH AND IT TURNS OUT IT WAS HER THE WHOLE TIME??

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All in all it was pretty good season with a entertaining finale, but I still think the midseason finale was much better. Check out my review for it here.

  • Fiona trolled us all. That dirty bitch.
  • Papa Legba is still the creepiest thing I’ve ever seen in my life
  • I was hoping to see Nan again but she was probably busy doing cool things like learning how to twerk
  • Myrtle burned up again because she served literally no purpose whatsoever