American Horror Story: Coven S3.E11 [That ain't magic. It’s an antihistamine!]

American Horror Story: Coven S3.E11 [That ain’t magic. It’s an antihistamine!]

There are spoilers in this post. Why anyone would read a goddamn review before watching the episode is beyond me. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.

This weeks episode of AHS was good for about 95% of the time – until that horrible ending that served no purpose other than to waste said time.

Within the first ten minutes it’s revealed that Queenie not only survived but she managed to reassemble Delphine without leaving any scars. Maybe she’s the next Supreme? Her remark to Kyle: “If you had let me do you, you wouldn’t look like you were jammed through a blender” was perfect because that fools face is beyond fucked up. He seriously looks like Jack from A Nightmare Before Christmas. Do these bitches not have the power to conjure a few bottles of Proactive? His appearance is beyond unacceptable.

nx_021JackScares

The episode had two major plot points: Delphine’s attempt to kill Marie Laveau and the inevitable confrontation with the witch hunters. The beginning gave us a flashback to the makings of the psychopath that Madame LaLaurie would eventually become. I don’t know why this show feels the need to show so much fucking slave torture but I’m definitely not feeling it. We get it – she tortured blacks. Do we really need to see so much of this shit in such gruesome detail? It’s a little tacky and forced in my opinion and while this episode was pretty fucking good – a lot of the scenes felt extraneous.

It became clear that the witch hunters were fucking idiots when they thought they could walk in to a meeting with witches and not end up dead as fuck LOL. In a clever attempt to give The Axeman a reason to occupy my television screen – the writers turned him into an unlikely hero and it was glorious and bloody but in a good way. Maybe I’m racist because seeing white people massacred with an axe doesn’t bother me one bit.

benny

As Fiona goes to give her dried up poontang away to show her gratitude – Delphine uses the powerful magicks of Benadryl to weaken Marie so that she can kill her. But wait…Madame Delphine is a stupid cow who totally got trolled by the dead butler who’s still living in the attic yet can still cause physical harm to people. I MEAN WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING? It’s stupid shit like this that pisses me off.

spalding

  • Cordelia completely raped her eyes with garden shears.
  • “And you’re a dried up, old hot pocket but I don’t judge.” – Madison
  • “You flush my shit, bitch” – Madison
  • “Dirty old hippie can kiss my ass” – Queenie