True Blood S6.E03 [Hand Lasers Off]

True Blood S6.E03 [Hand Lasers Off]

“I’ll bust you in your fucking face with this bottle, now that’s a threat! What I just gave you is some more than good advice.” – Lafayette

In the third episode of True Blood’s sixth season: things haven’t been this interesting at Sookie’s house since the onslaught of orgies in season two. Plotlines are gaining momentum and while the action takes a back seat to dialogue, this episode proves that True Blood doesn’t always have to depend on nudity or gore to move the plot forward. The three key players this week were Eric, Sookie, and Bill, each pursuing their own personal mission: Bill’s attempts to save the vampires, Eric’s abduction of Willa and Sookie’s search for Warlow.



We pick up with Eric after his forced entry into Willa’s room. He nearly rapes her but I’m not sure if it would be considered rape because this bitch may take it willingly. This isn’t the Viking days, bro, you can’t kill your enemies’ daughter and expect him to give up on killing you. Even Willa knows this, and is proving she has some adaptability to her as well when it comes to surviving. It didn’t take long for her to convince Eric that she’s worth more to him alive than dead. And so he spares her, for now, which only causes more problems between him, Pam and Tara. I relish in the fact that we are being reminded how savage these characters can be. Pam’s suggestion of cutting off Willa’s head and placing it on her stomach for her father to see was pretty brutal, even for Pam. I also like that Tara isn’t immediately on board with the groups actions, and it seems that she’s the only vampire (other than Jess) who hasn’t lost their fucking mind. I LOVE YOU TARA.

After the trio and Willa settle into Ginger’s safe house, Willa attempts to make sexy time with her captor. She wants that vampire dick REAL bad and she’ll go as far to drink his damn ear blood. YOU NASTY BITCH! Eric isn’t playing that shit, but it’s obvious there’s an attraction between the two, and not just on Willa’s half. Eric won’t let his walls down so easy but this girl seems determined to break past them. She is sympathetic to the vampires cause and I keep thinking this is all set up for her to eventually become one herself. It’s not long before dumbass Ginger answer’s Eric’s phone only to find the Governor on the other end of the line just waiting to track them like a little bitch. After Eric informs Burrell that Willa will die regardless, Tara’s impulses get the best of her and she takes Willa on her own terms. I guess she didn’t want to spend her night in the prison camp Willa mentioned to Eric because if they don’t haul ass that’s exactly where they’ll be going.


Bill & Jessica

After last week’s cryptic visions, Bill and Jessica try to figure out a plan to save the vamps. Not long before Bill has a chance to get extra crispy with a side of fries. He literally walks into the sunlight as if he’s some enlightened, vampire Buddha; but within five seconds that motherfucker is burning faster than Michael Jackson’s hair on a Pepsi stage. Right when I thought True Blood was about to get predictable and allow Bill to walk in the sun, they switched shit up on me and I like it. A friend of mine pointed out that these visions could be false, and after this episode that theory has more weight to it. Jessica is left to pick up the pieces and vows to help Bill with his mission. The only problem I have with this is that if these visions aren’t false, there’s a good chance that the choices Bill and Jessica make from this episode forward could inadvertently place them in the situation they are trying to avoid. It just seems safer if Jessica stayed home, but then her story-line would be boring so we can’t have that. However, what we do have is an overweight college professor who supposedly was involved in synthesizing True Blood. If this is true, WHY THE FUCK IS HE TEACHING NIGHT SCHOOL!!!! THE WORLD DOESN’T MAKE SENSE ANYMORE. Jessica is eventually sent on a mission to procure this professor and succeeds.


Team Stackhouse

The Stackhouse’s are impatiently waiting for the inevitable showdown with Warlow. It’s fascinating to see how hardened Sookie has become since the first season. She drops f-bombs like it isn’t anything and is far more pessimistic than optimistic these days. She’s essentially standing her ground and we get a glimpse into her inner psyche when she explains how she deals with the constant shit being thrown her way. She seems much more focused this episode, and grandpa Niall definitely has something to do with that. Teaching her how to harness her light has given her the push she needed to stop being dumb and start being tactical. There’s a good chance she may have to face Warlow alone when it’s all said and done, so she better keep those fairy bombs fully charged. While Jason is proving to be the weakest link, Sookie is providing him strength when he needs it the most: helping him to understand who his parents were and to accept that no one is perfect. He seems to have disregarded the fact that his parents were racist bigots, but Sookie has known all along. It’s interesting that she still has the strength to accept their faults when they couldn’t even accept her for who she is.

Niall goes searching for clues at the fairy nightclub and comes across a bloodbath. He does some trippy shit and recalls the events that took place. All the fairies in the club have all been massacred except for Calude who is pretty much dead. Niall shows him the Ultimate Kindness (aka the Fae version of the True Death) and homeboy becomes fairy dust. Aw, girl bye.

Sketchy ass Ben is once again in the right place at the wrong time, and this time it’s near the scene of the crime. Ben somehow has knowledge of Niall being a Fairy King and this is a surprise mainly because he doesn’t strike me as someone who would be privy to the politics surrounding the fae. Um, WHO THE FUCK IS THIS GUY? He is eventually recruited to help Team Stackhouse take down Warlow, thus  bringing him deeper into Sookie’s inner circle. Back at Sookie’s, Bill shows up requesting her blood like a fucking tool. He is definitely on that bull shit if he seriously expected her to go with him. After completely wrecking Jason and being denied by Sookie, he tells her she’s dead to him. She replies: “I’m good with that”. Sookie gets 1,000,000 points this week.

The episode ends with Andy catching Bill breaking vampire curfew. After bullshitting, it’s eventually brought to Bill’s attention that they’re some new fairies in town. His sinister grin can only mean one thing: Andy better enjoy every second he has left with his kids because they’re on Bill’s radar now. Who needs Sookie when there are four, far more powerful fairies all living under Andy’s roof? Shit’s about to get real fucked up.

Other shit

  •  Sam recovered Emma from the Shreveport pack of assholes
  •  Steve Newlin has been captured and taken to the prison camp only to be reunited with his wife, Sarah. Get fucked, good sir.