Game of Thrones S3.E07 [Why is this chick fighting a bear!?]
On this week’s episode, “The Bear and The Maiden Fair”, Brienne fought a bear and it wasn’t that epic. Ygritte is still talking shit after her and Jon’s climb over the Wall. Robb and his crew are clearly not giving a fuck about Walder Frey’s demands because he thinks getting his dick wet is more important. This doesn’t sit too well with Lady Catelyn as she scowls from the corner of the room, while we endure the Blackfish talk on and on about wet shits.
Robb and Talisa are clearly in their own world and I don’t give a fuck about either one of them anymore. You are being kind of stupid by lusting over this chick when there are more important things to keep in mind. Things like mending the broken alliance with Walder Frey. Here’s an idea, Robb; how about you put forth the energy you do into fucking your wife towards being an actual King? Maybe you wouldn’t need to crawl back to Walder Frey and his horde of ugly daughters. Things start to get very sketchy when Talisa starts writing a mysterious note. When asked who it was for she claims it’s to her mother. She wants to inform her about their unborn baby. This is a little too convenient and I’m not buying it. I never trusted this bitch from the beginning, and now she’s sending random letters? I’m just assuming at this point, but the bitch is 100% sketchy. It doesn’t help her case very much that the letter is written in High Valyrian. You sneaky bitch!!!
In Jon and Ygritte’s camp, the tall ginger fellow is demonstrating how to fuck like a wild baboon. This dude is out of control and needs to be locked up somewhere. It seems that the warg and Ygritte have some unresolved sexual tension, and he’s not too happy about her and Jon banging each other. He’s eventually denied but makes sure to warn her not to trust her beloved Jon Snow.
Back in King’s Landing, Margaery tries to bring out Sansa’s inner slut: explaining to her that Tyrion is far from the worst Lannister, and at least he’s experienced when it comes to sex. Experienced is putting it lightly, because Tyrion is a certified freak. On the other hand, he’s just as upset as Sansa due to the toll this has taken on his relationship with Shae. Oh, Shae. You really need to calm your shit down. Tyrion has no power in this situation, so on that principle alone you should just shut the fuck up and deal. Their relationship has been a secret for this long, so she might as well get used to being in the shadows.
In the Red Keep, Joffrey senses some shady shit and has a private meeting with his grandfather, Tywin, in regards to the meetings of the small council. Joffrey doesn’t approve of being left out of the inner circle, and Tywin quickly displays his dominance causing Joffrey to cower like the little bitch he is. He manages to do this while still humoring Joffrey by referring to him as “your grace”. We get a glimpse into how ignorant Tywin can be as well when he downplays the idea of Daenerys and her dragons posing a threat. Meanwhile, Daenerys is on a city-raping rampage with Yunkai as her next target. She threatens that if the slavers do not surrender they will suffer the same fate as Astapor, which is now barbecued to a blackened crisp. She’s introduced as the Breaker of Chains, and I can’t think of a more fitting title. Her balance of confidence, ruthlessness and unpredictability make her a great Queen and it’s enthralling watching her be a boss. She’s not irrational either, because instead of taking the city at her own will, she gives their leader a chance to keep his life. He offers ships and gold, but then threatens that Yunkai has powerful allies she should be weary of angering. Um, motherfucker, are you blind? She has three powerful allies in the form of Dragons wrestling over a piece of meat. What do you think they’ll do to your bitchass? Fry you up and serve you as an appetizer.
Jaime learns that Brienne is in far more danger due to his claims of her family’s fake wealth. He’s left with a decision to return to King’s Landing or go back for his friend. He does the right thing and returns to Brienne only to find her in the middle of battle against the biggest bear I’ve ever fucking seen. She also has a wooden sword as her defense, which is some bullshit. After some tricky maneuvering from Jaime, the two emerge from the pit alive with King’s Landing in their sights. In my opinion, the scenes with the bear were extremely goofy and I never want to see that it again. Other than that, this episode seems to be more set up for what I’m hoping is an epic ending to this season.
- Melisandre informs Gendry about his true heritage
- Jon finally teaches Ygritte a few things. Like how a fucking windmill looks nothing like a palace. This actually makes me like Ygritte more because on this side of the wall she’s nothing more than a fish out of water. She’s learning and asking questions when normally she’s the know it all.
- Arya has been captured by the Hound
- Osha still doesn’t trust the Reeds