Game of Thrones S3.E06 [Face, Tits and Balls]

Game of Thrones S3.E06 [Face, Tits and Balls]

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This week’s episode, which was actually titled “The Climb, was pretty much epic. Characters that I usually love to hate on surprisingly had some of my favorite scenes.  Samwell starts the episode by failing at making a fire, but winning at making panties drop.  He starts singing for his infant son, while the mother swoons like a groupie. 
 
Bran
 

Orsha and Meera are contesting for the spot of head bitch in charge, or maybe there’s some unresolved lesbian tension in the works. Other than Orsha and the wolves, Bran doesn’t have much protection so Meera and Jojen could do more good for the group than harm. Orsha should just sit the fuck down somewhere, immediately. Jojen starts spazzing out and has a vision of John fighting on the side of the Wildlings.  Rickon actually spoke this episode, reminding me that he does exist; but he always seems a little high strung and it makes me laugh. 

Jon Snow
 
Jon and Ygritte are preparing to climb over the wall. I repeat: climb over the motherfucking wall. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? ARE YOU INSANE OR SOME SHIT? WHAT THE FUCK!!!! As someone who does NOT fuck around with heights, I’ll have to admit that there’s not a fucking chance in hell that I would ever consider climbing a giant ice wall. With that being said, Jon and Ygritte both have some major balls. This episode has actually made me care about Ygritte, because the moment she fell I thought the bitch was gone for sure. I don’t want that for her or Jon, so I hope she lives forever now. She’ll probably die before the end of the season anyway but I’ll keep my fingers crossed. It’s mainly the way she forms her mouth when she talks that really grinds my gears, but she is brutally honest with Jon and it’s hilarious every time. 
 
Arya
 
Arya is full of angst this season, and she starts this episode sharpening her archery skills. The cocky son of a bitch teaching her how to aim needs to get the boot as soon as possible. I’m not a fan, sorry bro. You’re annoying and too confident. I hope a dragon barbecues your face. Melisandre shows up on a mission for blood, and appears to know Thoros of Myr. This shouldn’t come as a surprise since they worship the same Lord of Light, but some of my readers could very well be idiots, and idiots need guidance too. 
 
She comes upon Beric in the caves and gravitates towards his death wounds. She realizes that he’s come back far more than even she thought was possible, and seems insulted by the fact that a drunk like Thoros had power not even she could wield. He points out that it wasn’t him, but the Lord of Light who brought his friend back. She trades gold for Gendry, and before leaving she lays some words of wisdom for him and Arya. She informs Gendry that he’ll make kings rise and fall, while noticing darkness in Arya. She drops some cryptic message involving brown, green and blue eyes. I’m not sure what the fuck that means, but I’m about to start paying closer attention to eye color. 
 
Robb
 

The Starks & Tullys try to mend the broken alliance Robb forged with Walder Frey.  Two ugly dudes have been sent on the behalf of Frey, requesting Lord Edmure Tully to wed one of his daughters.  After having a bitch fit, Edmure eventually concurs to this union. It’s good to see that Robb is trying to negotiate a peace offering but it’s not very noble when a King needs his uncle to clean up his mess. 

Olenna and Tywin
 
Olenna and Tywin trade blows over their families’ future. Olenna think’s Cersei snatch is way too old to carry on the Tyrell legacy with Loras as her husband.  Tywin assumes Olenna would want to remove the “gay” stain from the Tyrell name, but she fires back like a true bitch when she comments on Cersei and Jamie’s rumored romance. He threatens to make Loras join the King’s Guard, assuring he can never get married, have children, and carry on the Tyrell legacy. She eventually gives in to his demands, which makes me wonder why waste time fighting in the first place? I hope it’s because she has something up her sleeve because I can’t figure out where the Tyrells fit into this seasons overall arc. Are they key players or just pawns in the Lannisters game? With only four more episodes left, hopefully we’ll find out. 
 
“Chaos isn’t a pit. Chaos is a ladder.”
– Lord Petyr Baelish
 
Other shit
  • Theons storyline is stupid
  • Cersei and Tyrion are bonding and she’s not THAT much of a bitch apparently. We learn it wasn’t her who tried having Tyrion killed, but Joffrey.
  • Joffrey murdered Ros. The last image of her was haunting and sad, while the hate I have for Joffrey continues to grow.
  • Sansa still clings to the illusion of the realm, but gets a reality check when she learns that Tyrion will be her new husband.
  • Jon and Ygritte both made it to the top of the wall, teary eyed and super fucking tired.
  • “There aren’t a thousand blades. There aren’t even 200. I’ve counted” – Petyr Baelish