Game of Thrones S3.E05 [Kissed By Fire]

Game of Thrones S3.E05 [Kissed By Fire]

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The night is dark and full of trippy ass shit, ya’ll.
 
This episode started with “The Hound” and Beric Dondarrion preparing to face off. Beric is already using cheat codes, with his flaming sword and other unknown mystic shit at his disposal, while the Hound can only hope to survive the fight. Flaming swords and wooden shields don’t mix, and it looked as though the Hounds final moments were upon us. He makes a Hulk Hogan style comeback, and slashes his sword through Mr. Dondarrion’s shoulder and most of the right side of his body. Well, surely he’s dead, I thought, but this is Game of Thrones, and apparently his storyline isn’t finished yet. With the oration of a few words, Beric Dondarrion has arisen from his death. But dying is pretty much routine because he’s come back six times now. First we were introduced to Dragons; now we have self-righteous necromancers. I love this shit. I wonder when the unicorns will pop up. I’m also curious as to who the viewers were supposed to be rooting for in this scene. It wasn’t until this episode that I actually took interest in what was happening with the Brotherhood, yet I was definitely rooting for The Hound. I have a track record of liking anti-heroes though, and while Beric is certainly intriguing, I don’t care if he lives or dies, a lot.  
 
Jon Snow
 
This will be an episode to remember, mainly for one thing. Jon Snow finally got him some poontang pie, and it appears to have been worth the wait. I’m not feeling Ygritte’s tiny boobs and skeletor body, but to each his own. I guess you can’t be too picky when winter is coming and all. It would be baller if he and Daenerys started making babies in the near future. Thus making them a major power couple, almost like the Beyonce’ and Jay-Z of Game of Thrones; or maybe Brad and Angelina. I really don’t give a fuck. Basically, Ygritte sucks. What the fuck kind of name is Ygritte anyways? Remove yourself from this show immediately. 
 
Jaime and Brienne
 
Jaime has a pretty intense scene involving the wound where his hand used to be. I wish I could write more on what exactly happened, but I wasn’t interested in throwing up the food I’d just eaten. So I proceeded to skip through that part thanks to my DVR. However, he did have a scene later in the episode which allowed him to clear his name of sorts. He explained to Brienne about the origins of his King Slayer nickname, and honestly I almost bought it. I began to understand Jaime Lannister, and have empathy for him. And then I remembered Bran.  How Jaime tried to murder him in cold blood, without a thought, so he could hide his incest filled affair. I don’t believe that his moral code prevents him from killing innocent women and children just  because the Mad King ordered their deaths. Bitch, you are mad as a fucking hatter. But maybe this is a turnaround for Jaime’s character, but it’s going to take more than his words to redeem his actions in my eyes. 
 
King Robb
 

Robb is dealing with a loss of control among his bannermen. His questionable choices have done nothing in regards to boosting morale and trust in his followers; and the Santa Clause guy is popping off at the mouth a little too much. Santa and a few others killed the two Lannister captives against Robb’s wishes. Once again, Robb makes another stupid decision. His sense of honor is his weakest trait, and because of this he’ll lose more men than he can afford to. With that being said, this guy is completely talking shit to Robb in front of everyone, so in that aspect he had to die.  Unfortunately, this leads to him arriving to the conclusion of going to Walder Frey for help. The same man whose daughter Robb was supposed to marry. If only Robb would think with his brain instead of his dick, he would see two things: marrying Talisa was a mistake, and going back to Walder Frey is a mistake. Catelyn pointed this out when she told him that he was a “dangerous man to cross”. Well, you crossed him bro, so you’re fucked.

Other shit
– Cersei really misses Jaime. Gross.
– The Tyrells might be the richest family in Westeros? Olenna doesn’t hold back when she informs Tyrion of how much the Tyrells have contributed to the Lannisters cause. She’s sassy but understanding, and is still sitting at the top of my list of favorite characters.
– Three very creepy dead babies, WHAT THE FUCK!!!
STANNIS IS THE ONE TRUE KING SO BEND A KNEE, BITCHES. BUT I LOVE DAENERYS TOO SO DON’T GET IT TWISTED.
– Daenerys  is starting to see the effects of her kindness. She has loyal soldiers who are willing to fight for her, and only her. Soldiers who she has set free and in return have solidified her as their leader and savior. 
– WHAT UP GREY WORM !
– Stannis’ daughter is half dragon? Or fish? Or she’s just really burnt. I seriously have no clue what the hell is going on half of the time.
– Tywin lay’s down the law, ordering Cersei to marry Sir Loras Tyrell, while Tyrion is forced to marry Sansa Stark in an attempt to hold the North and the Reach. Brilliant move, politically, but that fucking suckssssss for his kids.