Game of Thrones S3.E01 [Valar Dohaeris]

Game of Thrones S3.E01 [Valar Dohaeris]


Game of Thrones kicked off its season three premiere, and it was damn near perfect. The dragons are back in full effect and we have FUCKING GIANTS now. This show is basically Skyrim, and that’s a good thing. Winter is coming, bitches, so grab ya’ fur coats cause shit’s about to get real in the realm of Westeros.

“Valar Dohaeris” starts with a mysterious figure running in the snow. From my couch it looks like Kirby, but it turns out to be Sam, Jon Snow’s chubby buddy from the Night’s Watch. Last time we saw this guy he was about to get dominated by a horde of White Walkers. I honestly expected to wait a few episodes before seeing the White Walkers again, but it’s nice to pick up somewhat where we left off last season. I’m pretty much convinced that this guy is about to bite the dust as soon as we see the decapitated dude chilling in the snow. As Sam turns around just in time to get his own dome chopped off, Ghost jumps out of nowhere, like Cujo on a diet of steroids and crack cocaine. This wolf is a champ and already gaining cool points.

Jon Snow

Jon is on his way to meet with Mance Rayder, the “King beyond the Wall”, with hopes of joining his ranks. If he wants to survive in this situation, he has no choice but to kiss some ass, and it’s working. “I want to fight on the side that fights for the living,” he says, and now he’s a part of the crew. I’m wondering if there’s a ritual of some kind because this seems way too easy. Jon will probably be banging that ginger chick anytime now that’s he’s a part of the family

Tyrion & Cersei

Cersei, being the biatch she is, decides to pay a visit to her baby brother; marveling at the scar stretched across his face that she no doubt had everything to do with. It’s one thing to have someone killed, but to look that person in the eye as if everything is fine makes me hate her so much more; not nearly as much as her half-bred demon spawn of a son, but pretty close. With the way the Lannisters get down, maybe these two should just fuck and get it over with.

Robb Stark

When Robb and his army arrive at Harrenhal, all they find are 200 northmen slaughtered. This doesn’t help Robb’s disposition towards his mother, because he sends her off to her imprisonment. This makes me hate Robb. I understand she acted selfishly by releasing Jamie Lannister, but it was for a chance at rescuing her daughters. Did Robb not marry for his own selfish reasons? Even when he knew he was promised to another, completely disregarding the repercussions that could come in the future? I think he should be a little more understanding, yet he’s leading an Army and has to keep their respect somehow.

Tywin and Tyrion

Tyrion demands Casterly Rock, but his father calls bullshit on that. He doesn’t hold back in letting Tyrion know how embarrassed he is to have an imp as a son: and how his constant fraternizing with the local whores only proves his point further. He clearly has contempt towards Tyrion for the death of his wife while giving birth to him, which he has no qualms about sharing. The pain on Tyrion’s face is obvious, and Tywin walks away without any regard to his broken son. I can’t imagine what it must feel like to lead an Army but have none of your accomplishments acknowledged.


Daenerys’ introduction in this episode is by far my favorite part. Seeing her dragon, Drogon, flying across the sea and barbecuing fish is getting me so hyped up I’m not sure I can handle it. The dragons have grown tremendously since the end of season two, but apparently not quick enough. Her journey to the Iron Throne will be a long one, and it would be in her best interest to use this time wisely. That means finding an army, and finding one soon. This brings us to the Unsullied: a loyal, obedient and fierce army ready to spill blood at any moment. You can even cut their nipples off and they don’t scream! That’s real strength if you ask me. I bet that soldier was thinking to himself: “Man, I really did not sign up for this.” Things seem to be going good, and there’s even a non-creepy little girl who just wants to play catch. This turns out to be a trap set up by the Warlocks of Qarth: those dudes who love blue Kool-aid. She’s saved by Barristan Selmy, a former knight pledging his allegiance to her Queens Guard. Her army is slowly but surely growing, and I can’t wait to see where her storyline goes this season.

*Important shit

*The Tyrell’s are stepping up for the people more than the Lannisters ever could
*I want to punch Joffrey’s face
*Stannis and his fire priestess are still fucking insane and I love it